On April 27, 2025, the church I’ve attended for 25 years, Oklahoma City First Church of the Nazarene (“OKC 1st”), voted to spiritually disaffiliate from the Nazarene denomination, primarily because the denomination was no longer willing to tolerate our tolerance of LGBTQ+ people.
Our church has always welcomed anyone sincerely interested in learning more about God, worshipping him, studying what it means to be a disciple of Jesus, and serving our community, including LGBTQ+ people.
That said, OKC 1st has never performed a gay marriage, admitted any practicing LGBTQ+ person to membership, allowed one to teach Sunday school or affirmed the LGBTQ+ lifestyle as not sinful. Before COVID, we did dedicate the baby of a gay couple on one occasion, but only after obtaining permission from the denomination, which agreed it was the right thing to do. Relatively recently, we have also allowed a gay mother to attend church camp as one of multiple sponsors in her child’s group and allowed a gay man to lead the choir.
It appears that these two most recent events were the tipping point that led the denomination to conduct what was essentially a heresy investigation into OKC 1st’s ministry, during which the denomination indicated that to remain in good standing, OKC 1st must forbid LGBTQ+ people from serving in such “leadership” roles. Then at some point, disaffiliation was raised as a potential alternative. Our congregation decided to proceed down the path of considering and ultimately voting on spiritual disaffiliation. On April 27, 2025, about 98% voted to do just that.
Throughout this whole process, I’ve come to see the point of disagreement as something much deeper than simply whether homosexuality is a sin. OKC 1st is populated by people on all sides of that debate — some of us believe it is a sin, some of us don’t, and some of us aren’t sure either way.
What we do agree on, however, is that one’s stance on this issue is not an essential doctrinal tenet. Beliefs about the ethics of homosexuality — an issue Jesus never directly mentioned and one the entire New Testament mentions fewer than five times — are not even remotely on par with beliefs about the divine inspiration of Scripture, the deity of Christ, the resurrection and salvation by grace.
Once you classify any ethical or doctrinal issue as non-essential, the issue then becomes how one should go about ministering to and doing church with those whom one disagrees. Where should one draw the line between condoning and condemning the behavior of others? Which lifestyle choices should one tolerate, and which ones disqualify someone from participating in communal worship, communion, study, fellowship and minor leadership roles?
Questions like these do not have easy answers. We at OKC 1st have wrestled with where to draw the types of lines in our relationships with one another and with others, just as the denomination has struggled with where to draw them regarding OKC 1st. We realize that to take a stance either way is to risk being either too tolerant or too intolerant, too inclusive or too exclusive.
Personally, my study of Jesus’ teachings and example, particularly his interactions with the religious gatekeepers of his day, has made me hesitant to cast the first stone (John 8:7), wary of shutting the door of the kingdom of heaven in anyone’s face (Matthew 23:13), cognizant of Jesus’ instruction not to judge others for we will be judged in the same way that we judge (Matthew 7:2), cautious of pointing out the speck in another’s eye while ignoring the plank in my own (Matthew 7:3-4), perpetually aware that all — most notably myself — have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), and fearful of excelling in minor legalistic details while neglecting the more important matters of the law, like justice, mercy and faithfulness (Matthew 23:13).
At the same time, when I see that Jesus himself was condemned by the Pharisees for welcoming and befriending sinners, it makes me less afraid to do the same. And when I look at the undeserved love and grace that Jesus extended to me while I was yet a sinner (and which he continues to extend to me as I inevitably continue sinning), I can’t help but try to extend it to others.
When navigating this issue, I’ve also found it helpful to imagine my child as the person on the other side. If one of my children came out as gay and then expressed a desire to become involved in my church community, not for the purpose of seeking affirmation or to push any type of agenda but simply to worship, learn, serve, and fellowship, how would I respond? How would I want my fellow church members to respond? I’m pretty sure I’d roll out the red carpet and want others to do the same. (By the way, some of the families at OKC 1st are here because they’ve found themselves in this exact situation and our church welcomed their children.)
These are the types of things that have nudged me toward erring on the side of inclusion and embrace, and, ultimately, they have convinced me to be neither affirming nor condemning but welcoming.
From my perspective, this is also the general posture of OKC 1st as a whole. Our approach to ministry is based on a belief that the good news of God’s grace, forgiveness and love is best spread through friendship and hospitality, not through rebuke and exclusion. We recognize that some churches believe in the fire-and-brimstone method of drawing people to faith. We do not.
In fact, it is not our habit to single out any victimless sins for special condemnation, whether it be vanity, pride, greed, materialism, nationalism, divorce or homosexuality. The only sin you are likely to hear called out from our pulpit is the sin of failing to love like Jesus. You might say our motto is “love ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out.”
OKC 1st’s sole agenda (again, from my perspective as an active, long-time member) is spreading the gospel through the preaching of God’s word, the creation of disciples and service to our community. All other agendas — whether political, social or cultural — are subordinate. And all such agendas that hinder our ability to spread the gospel are unwelcome. We are focused on being Christians above all else — before we are teachers or lawyers, Democrats or Republicans, Black or White, Hispanic or American, gay or straight. You will not find any flags in our sanctuary, neither pride flags nor American flags.
If you know any of the LGBTQ+ Christians at OKC 1st, then you know they conduct themselves just like everyone else. They attend regularly, they worship, they study, they tithe and they serve. They do not act as if their primary identity is their sexual orientation or their mission is to convince others to fully affirm their lifestyle. I’ve found that their faith is just as strong as mine and their character just as Christlike, often more so.
I also believe LGBTQ+ Christians' presence at OKC 1st has made us a better church. Doing church with those who are not exactly like us challenges us to become more Christlike, to expand our capacity to love the “other.” It forces us to learn how to disagree Christianly, something we talk a lot about at OKC 1st. And it also compels us to focus on the true essentials, like embodying the greatest of all commands: to love. “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).
There’s a sense in which learning to disagree in a Christian way on non-essentials is essential. Christian discipleship is not meant to be comfortable. It’s meant to generate growth — in the direction of Christlikeness. In my opinion, a diversity of viewpoints and opinions is not a weakness but a strength, something to be embraced, even pursued.
Our theological forefather John Wesley famously proclaimed, “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.” The granting of liberty and charity in non-essentials necessarily lends itself to inclusion, and this is precisely the approach that I believe OKC 1st aspires to embody in its relationships with everyone, including LGBTQ+ persons.
Do we always get it right? Absolutely not. Have we drawn these lines perfectly? Highly unlikely. But we are trying our best to avoid the judgmental, condemning, exclusionary posture for which Jesus so frequently chastised the Pharisees and instead embody what we believe was Jesus’ approach towards all sinners who demonstrated a genuine interest in him: welcoming but not affirming.
I love the Church of the Nazarene. Although I disagree with it in this case and lament the fact that it no longer has room in its tent for a church whose approach to ministry is the type described above, I wish it the best and pray God blesses it. But at the same time, when we find ourselves in a place where we are no longer welcome, I believe we must shake the dust off our feet and move on (Matthew 10:14).
This article was first published in May of 2025 at Oklahoman.com/opinion under the title “I love my church. Disaffiliating to avoid LGBTQ+ exclusion was the right move.”